I would love to hear what you think about one or more of the passages.

John 14:20 – On this day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you.
“In these simple words Jesus reveals what God’s desire had been from the first day of creation – to invite men and women into the relationship that God has drawn with himself for all eternity. It is as if they could not keep themselves the joy, love, glory, and trust that they have always shared together. Their purpose in creating the world was to invite us as mere creation to share in the wonder of that relationship.
     The friendship Jesus shared with his disciples was the model for the relationship he extends to you. He wants to be the voice that steers you through every situation, the peace that sets your heart in trouble, at rest and the power that holds you up in the storm. He wants to be closer than your dearest friend and more faithful than any other person you’ve ever met.”

“That’s when it became clear. It is not the fear of losing God’s favor that takes us to the depth of fellowship with him and transforms our lives with holiness. It is our certainty of knowing his unrelenting love for us, even in the midst of our weakness and failure, that lead us to the fullness of his life.
     Fearing had never taken me to the depths of his life or his transforming power; discovering his delights ha. I now know that they way to God’s favor doesn’t rest on what I give him, but what he already has given me.
     He delights in you, too. Can you see him that way over you exalting and dancing with joy?”

“When that love touches you, you will discover that there is NOTHINGmore powerful in the entire universe. It is more powerful than your failures, your sins, your disappointments, your dreams, and even your fears. God knows that when you top the depths of his love, your life will forever be changed. Nothing can prevail over it; and nothing else will lead you to taste of his kind of holiness.”

“Mixing a little lie with a lot of truth is like hiding cyanide in Kool-Aid. You cannot tel it’s there until you drink it, but by then it is too late.”

“Some have taken Jesus’ cry that his Father had forsaken him to mean that at the darkest moment, the Father had to turn his back on the Son. God cannot to bear to look on sin, they argue, so that when our sins were laid on him, God had to turn his face away from his Son.
God has never run from sinful humanity. he didn’t hide from Adam and Eve in the Garden. They hid from him as He sought them out. It is not God who cannot bear to look on sin, but that we in our sin can’t bear to look on God. He’s not the one who hides. We are. God is powerful enough to look on sin and be untainted by it. He has always done so. He did so at the cross.”

“When Jesus became sin for us he entered into the full shame, darkness, and bondage of that sin. It is likely at the moment on the cross when God’s wrath was consuming the sin he had become, that he couldn’t even see the Father with whom he had shared fellowship through all eternity. Sin blinded him and he felt as if God had forsaken him. But that is the difference between the perception of sin and the reality of God.”

“He wanted us to love others, but trust him alone.”

“Trusting the Father’s love for you simply means that every day, in every circumstance, you can rest assured God knows who you are, cares more deeply about you than you do yourself, and is capable of working out his glory in you.
    When you rust him you will find yourself cooperating with his work going on in you and around you. Trust is not coasting through life assuming that whatever happens must be God. Rather it is an active partnership that rises out of your relationship to him. What many call trust is simply a Christian version of fatalism or complacency.”

” One of my friends had been shackled by perfectionism. Whenever we talked about grace, he wanted to believe it, but was always aware of his shortcomings that he couldn’t bring himself to trust God until he performed better.
But one day God used a hobby of his o teach him about grace. He loves to work with wood and to make decorations for his home. The light dawned for him when he noticed how differently he and his life view his hobby. She loves the finished product and delights in displaying it in their home. He, however, enjoys the process of making it far more. He loves to take a raw piece of wood and fashion it. Once it’s finished he is already on to what he wants to do next. ‘I finally realized that God not only wants the product, but he actually enjoys the process.’
He’s right. God enjoys taking fearful slaves to sin and teaching them how to live as beloved sons and daughter. He knows how to peel off layers of selfishness and shame to shape his image in us.
That’s why the writer of Hebrews called Jesus the Author and Finisher of our faith. He initiated it on the cross and with painstaking care he continues to carve, sand, and buff until we become the treasure he fashioned in his heart at the beginning of time.
It’s a process he controls from start to finish, and its a journey that will last a lifetime. You can’t make it happen, but you can choose to cooperate with him and embrace the incredible process he’s use to produce his glory in you.”

I heard His voice sing over me in chaple today. This is what I heard.

My amazing greace
how sweet does that sound
that it could save a wretch like you
You once were lost, but here you’re found
You once were blind, but now you see.

‘Twas grace that taught your heart to fear
and my grace your fears relieved
How precious did that grace appear
The hour you first believed.

Your chains are gone
You’ve been set free
I’m your God, your savior, who’s ransomed you
Like a flood, my mercy rains
I’ll send unending love, amazing grace.

I have promised good to you
In my word your hope is secured
My will your shield and portion will be
as long as your life endures.The earth shall soon dissolve like snow
The sun forbear to shine
But I’ve called you here
and forever you shall be mine.
Forever you shall be mine.

Your chains are gone
You’ve been set free
I am your God, your Savior, the one who ransomed you
Like a flood, my mercy rains
I’ll send unending love, amazing grace
I’ll send unending love, amazing grace.

We arrived at Grand Lake early evening and spent some time cleaning up the boat, but around eight thirty we headed out onto the lake for a night sail. Let me just tell you that if you know nothing about sailing like I didn’t, that it is one of the coolest ways that you can be introduced to the hobby. It was a perfectly clear night so we could see the stars really well. Even though we were moving, there was no sound and we just spent about 4 hours talking, watching the stars, and sailing around the lake. The next day we were out on the lake by 11:30. It was a different experience though. Despite the lack of sleep all nine of us got, we were all excited and alive. We sailed around and ended up in a cove where we dove off the boat and swam around. It was a chill afternoon, but our energy and the movement of the other lake goers (many a speedboat and jet ski since it was labor day weekend) just seemed to place a buzz in the air where calmness had been the night before. 

 On the sail back across the lake to the dock I spent some time pondering the things i’ve been studying in my morning time with God and in the book “He loves me” which my dad gave me to read. Both have been focusing on God’s love and trusting in God and the love that he offers. For some reason I realized that I trusted sailing at night more than I did during the day. Sailing in the dark I wasn’t aware of where we were going and I was more concerned about what was going on in the boat directly next to me, who I was sitting next to, and the conversation we were having. While sailing in the day I was worrying about how far the boat heeled (tipped to one side), the other boats in the water and things outside of our ship.

How often do I do this in my own life? I have no clue if this is true for anybody else, but I try to see in the light too much. I worry and let my thoughts run wild about things that could happen, trusting in my own actions rather than running to God first. I’m more concerned about my friends who live far away and have closed me off (friendships I can’t impact right now) more than the friends sitting in my boat here at JBU (those I can still converse and impact). Why is it easier for me to trust God in the dark rather than the light? On top of that, how amazing is the night! I enjoy it all the more because of the trust that I do give God. When i’m looking around at the people in my boat and paying attention to what God is doing right in front of me it is so much more encouraging. I am also more focused on not only the people in my JBU boat, but my relationship with my Savior in whom I’m putting my trust – my creator who made the wind that powers the sail boat and the stars that I enjoy so much.

Wayne Jacobsen, the author of “He Loves Me!” writes:
“I used to start my day laying out my plans before God and seeking his blessing on them. How silly! Why would I even want God to be the servant of my agenda? God’s plans for my day far exceed mine. I can almost hear him now as I awaken, ‘ Wayne, I’m going to touch some people to day. Do you want to come along?’
It’s amazing how gentle that is.”

I can just hear God now, “I’m going sailing tonight, want to come along?” I don’t have to go. God will touch the people on the boat with or without me, but that experience, that peaceful wonder and enjoyment of stepping and trusting that God’s sailing trip will be amazing is what draws me to answer yes. I never want to turn another opportunity down. The waters will be choppy sometimes, but whether day or night, if I focus on the people in the boat with me and the Provider actually sailing the vessel, I know everything will be okay.

Today I am saying, “I trust in your love and I am coming with you Father.”

Did I gain that with American Eagle? Or did I hide in my goody-too-shoes Christian mold. Things I discovered about some of my co-workers:

• One doesn’t go to church because as a child she was forced to attend and forced to worship God a certain way, the rest was just boring stories
• This same girl likes to drive in silence – not an intense lover of music
• This same girl’s family (at least her mom and sister) do attend Church
• And this same girl enjoys getting slightly wasted every-so often so she can get the hard questions and fights off her chest
• Another co-worker finds it fun to get wasted. He is nineteen
• Another co-worker says he is a Christian.
• This same co-worker does not attend church because his first attendence he was rejected for his ethnicity and the second time he had a dizzy spell, taking this to be a sign that he does not need church.

So those facts might seem to point out that I think going to church is the only way to be a Christian. I want to state now that I don’t. A church building and family does not make you Christian, but I do believe fellowship to be an integral part of the Christian walk. I grow immensely each time I am able to have a conversation that is spiritual involved. But that is not what this post is supposed to be about… the title did state this was meanderings though. You were warned.

Anyways… back to my point that I really am trying to make. What did I do in this conversations. I hid. Plain and simple. Sure they know I’m a Christian, but do they know how deeply my love runs for my Savior? Do they know how deeply My Savior runs for me? Do they know how deeply His love runs for them? Not through my behavior and actions. I’m not going to save them, but why am I so damn good at hiding. Why do I forget to talk to God and ask Him what He would say if he was talking to these people? There have been chances… not as good of odds as Woodward’s, but I’ve blown by every possible chance I have and ran to hide under the women’s pants clearance rounder (if you saw this rounder, you would understand just how good of a hiding place it is.

Good thing I suck and God doesn’t. If saving these people were left up to my abilities, we would all burn in the fiery lake in hell.

Lord Savior,
Thank you so much for your love. I drown in it everyday and half the time don’t even realize you are there, but you continue to pour it out over me. Thank you for being too immensely huge for words. I know this summer is over and tomorrow is a new day. Grant me the courage to speak your words and to live your actions. Show to me those who can see your light and those who are blind to it. Show me how you would speak and act around them. Remind me that it is not my job, nor could I, save them or myself, but that I might be a giant arrow simply pointing to you and your glory. Take this vulnerability that you have been instilling in me and drag me out from under the clearance rounder and point me toward the direction of each conversations bringing glory to your name.
                                    A meek servant seeking to arouse the beauty of the world and glorify your name.

As I finished up the study guide this morning in my quite time I realized just how much I focused on the word. It reminded me of a conversation I had with one of my good guy friends on a drive to a friends house for the weekend. Some how the discussion of pursuit came up and he said in this litty boy voice “That words scares me.”
This caught me off guard. I could think of no bad connotations for pursue, so I curiously asked, “Why?”
“Becacuse bad things pursue. Like in my dreams, I’m fleeing in terror because I’m being pursued by a monster.” He replied (okay, so mabey he said it a little differently, but that was like 4 months ago, you really expect me to say it verbatium?)

The more I thought about this it really began to make sense. Yes, monsters do also pursue, but the word has so much pressure attached to it, especially for guys. They are the ones pursuing a girl romantically, they face way more rejections than girls do and they put themselves out their hoping to impress a girl and what if she doesn’t feel the same way, it goes bad for him. Of course my friend, and any other guy should be afraid of pursuit and pursuing.
I didn’t fully grasp the fear until a couple months later. I had been spending more time with a guy who I had just met through common friends and was relaying some of my activities to a close girlfriend as we caught each other up on our lives. As I told my weekend tales and his name kept popping up she remarked at me, “Oh my gosh Heather, he’s pursuing you!” I admit I freaked. I saw this guy as no more than a friend and someone who was easy to talk to… there is no pursuit! No he was not pursuing for more than friendship. But I was freaked, I don’t want to be pursued, I’m not ready for it my body screamed.

All this to say is this summer it culminated as a question to me. In all my bible studies the only pursuit I had come across was that of pursuing Love, Peace and God. Well, just a week ago or so in the Psalms I came across a different kind of pursuit. It was pursuit of an enemy. I wondered if in the original Greek and Hebrew if this one word in English would be translated as two different ideas. Is there good pursuit and bad? Should I rehash how I think this word?

I have no answers yet, and I honestly don’t really know how to discover them. It’s something to think about and chew on though. If you (if there even is anyone reading this) can shed any light or your thoughts or opinions on this subject, anything would be appreciated.

You are a woman. An image bearer of God. The Crown of Creation. You were chosen before time and space, and you are wholly and dearly loved. You are sought after, pursued, romanced, the passionate desire of your Fiance, Jesus. You are dangerous in your beauty and your life-giving power. And you are needed
As a woman who has been ransomed and redeemed, you can be strong and tender. You speak to the world of God’s mercy, mystery, beauty, and his desire for intimate relationship. You are inviting; you can risk being vulnerable, offering the weight of your life as well as your need for more because you are safe in God’s love. You labor aching, awakened heart leads you to htefeet of Jesus, where you wait on him and wait for him. The eyes of his heart are ever upon you. The King is captivated by your beauty.

The biggest observation that I’ve made about life in the past week is this: It is so easy to comment on the changes that need to be made in others life’s and never see it in my own. I’m so worried about ‘helping’ others instead of pouring God’s love into my own heart that it might overflow and take care of all the things that I worry about myself. I don’t truly listen that often, I’m so ready and quick to offer advice because my observations and solutions are SOOOO right. WRONG!!

One of the questions the study asked me this morning is “How is the life that you are living today affecting others for good? I couldn’t answer it; I had nothing to write down. How is my life affecting others? Is my advice doing any good? Probably not. The chapter talked about being the ezer kenegdo of relationships. For those who don’t know, ezer kenegdo means “helpmeet” or even better “sustainer beside him.” As women we should sustain the relationships we are a part of. I had written some names down in the margins of my book back when I first read this chapter during the school year. Out of five names that I specifically thought of at the time I would say that I’m not really ‘fighting’ for any of them.

The question in my mind right now is when to fight for a relationship and when do we leave it up to the other person. My best friend, the one i’ve known since we were like five or something has recently drifted away, from me, from the person I knew her to be. After not talking for an entire semester I received a voice message from her. In in she was sobbing and asking for my forgiveness. When at school we live 45 minutes away, and although I had already been over to her town once that day, but I drove back through a rainstorm to see her anyway, despite the paper that I still had to write and my desire to go play piano in one of the practice rooms. We only got about an hour together that night, but I was there for her. I asked her to promise me somethings, one of which was to call me every night . I only received one call from her. I remained calling her every night and leaving her messages in hopes that she would pick up one time.

This summer I have seen her only once and despite the many calls I have made to her, she has called me only once or twice. Worrying about her is doing no good, and no matter what my observations, she is the one living her life. So I’ve given up my stalking attributes in this friendship. Would some consider giving up fighting for the relationship. Perhaps, but I am praying for everysingle day. I miss her and strongly desire for her to look at me as the best friend who’s always stood by her. But she must also fight for it. So it’s up to God. I believe that He has a plan to bring us back together, but it is in his hands, not mine. I choose to fight with prayer rather than selfish actions.

The relationships that have passed I can’t regret, that is not what God has put in my heart. If I lost some because I didn’t fight enough then I merely need to focus on the current relationship even more.

Granted re-reading through what I’ve just written, this is the worst post ever. The last point I want to make is fighting and sustaining relationships look different when you are fighting with God by your side. I don’t claim to have done the best job in past years, but I shall learn from my mistakes. I shall learn that God’s love can cover more than I ever could.

Back during the school year I bought and read the book Captivating by Stasi Eldredge. I truly enjoyed it and pulled some very important things to think about, chew on, and work on changing. Well this summer I decided to  buy the companion study guide and re-work though the book. You are catching me about three-fourths of the way though.

Anyway, this morning’s chapter was on “loving a man.” Now I’m single, and have been for all 20 years of my life. So how does this apply to me? Well there are men in the world that I talk to. I don’t live in a underground world where we have banned all men. Nope, I encounter men every single day, so it applies. That is the first thought I have to thrust into my brain and believe. Once I know and believe this I can move on to actually pulling things from the chapter.

First of all, as a woman of God, He has asked me to be courageous, cunning, and stunningly vulnerable. I worked a lot on this during the school year by learning to be honest and speak up in a soft way, but since being home I seem to have lost that with the guys that I interact with. So all of a sudden I’ve lost the courage to be vulnerable with the guys here at home and merely fall back into who they expect me to be. So part of my prayer this morning was to regain that here at home. I’ve got 23 days left here and I want to use them to glorify God though my courage, cunning, vulnerability.

Second, I’ve allowed Satan to place in my heart a hatred and jealousyfor all couples my age with a good relationship. I allow him to place myself in either one of two moods: a angered, “why do they have to act like that” mood, or a down trodden “why do they get such a good relationship rather than me” mood. This is wrong. Instead of tearing these men down in my heart, I should be uplifting them and thanking them for taking good care of my friends, showing me good men are still around in this world, and simply for being my friend also. How often do we stop thinking of our “sadness” in singledom to offer a word of affirmation to those on the other side of the spectrum. Neither place is easy, and when you are on one side of the spectrum you never understand the other one’s point of view. We both exist though and can love each other through God’s love. So I’m going to revamp how I look at my dating friends. 

Last, Do i really know the men in my life? I desire for them to ask me and know my heart, but I do I offer the same chance for them? Do I know their past and what wounds they have incurred? Do I know how God has healed them, is still healing them? Do I offer a safe place for them to talk, that they would want to talk? The study guide asked me who the core men are in my life and how their Question was answered for them in their youth. I was next asked how it played out in their lives. Although I can think of a list of guys who I would call my ’core’ I can not answer this question for a single one of them. Have I asked? No. Here, I have failed to offer my beauty to them if I do not offer a chance to share that.

How can I ask for something if I do not also seek to give it?