Let me start out by saying: “These are my thoughts and observations. This entire blog is just that. What I think. You might differ in your opinion, if you do, please share I’m always up for discussions. These posts will derive from my morning devotions, life experience, and what God is talking to me about. So there’s you warning now I shall proceed.”
Back during the school year I bought and read the book Captivating by Stasi Eldredge. I truly enjoyed it and pulled some very important things to think about, chew on, and work on changing. Well this summer I decided to buy the companion study guide and re-work though the book. You are catching me about three-fourths of the way though.
Anyway, this morning’s chapter was on “loving a man.” Now I’m single, and have been for all 20 years of my life. So how does this apply to me? Well there are men in the world that I talk to. I don’t live in a underground world where we have banned all men. Nope, I encounter men every single day, so it applies. That is the first thought I have to thrust into my brain and believe. Once I know and believe this I can move on to actually pulling things from the chapter.
First of all, as a woman of God, He has asked me to be courageous, cunning, and stunningly vulnerable. I worked a lot on this during the school year by learning to be honest and speak up in a soft way, but since being home I seem to have lost that with the guys that I interact with. So all of a sudden I’ve lost the courage to be vulnerable with the guys here at home and merely fall back into who they expect me to be. So part of my prayer this morning was to regain that here at home. I’ve got 23 days left here and I want to use them to glorify God though my courage, cunning, vulnerability.
Second, I’ve allowed Satan to place in my heart a hatred and jealousyfor all couples my age with a good relationship. I allow him to place myself in either one of two moods: a angered, “why do they have to act like that” mood, or a down trodden “why do they get such a good relationship rather than me” mood. This is wrong. Instead of tearing these men down in my heart, I should be uplifting them and thanking them for taking good care of my friends, showing me good men are still around in this world, and simply for being my friend also. How often do we stop thinking of our “sadness” in singledom to offer a word of affirmation to those on the other side of the spectrum. Neither place is easy, and when you are on one side of the spectrum you never understand the other one’s point of view. We both exist though and can love each other through God’s love. So I’m going to revamp how I look at my dating friends.
Last, Do i really know the men in my life? I desire for them to ask me and know my heart, but I do I offer the same chance for them? Do I know their past and what wounds they have incurred? Do I know how God has healed them, is still healing them? Do I offer a safe place for them to talk, that they would want to talk? The study guide asked me who the core men are in my life and how their Question was answered for them in their youth. I was next asked how it played out in their lives. Although I can think of a list of guys who I would call my ’core’ I can not answer this question for a single one of them. Have I asked? No. Here, I have failed to offer my beauty to them if I do not offer a chance to share that.
How can I ask for something if I do not also seek to give it?
